Rant. (Feel Free To Ignore)

Let's file this under a loud WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

I am having a really bad day. I think I was shocked by Children's Hospital's recent decision to take it up the A$$ by the current administration and deny medical treatment for non-cis youths. The devastation that decision will cause makes me sick, to be honest. Those poor families. Have you ever lost someone to su!c!de? Ever been to a kids funeral? I have. It makes you hate things.

So I started spiraling. Alienated my friends, spent most of the night crying, slept like shit. I somehow made it to work and did well enough, but I broke down in tears like, six different times. I'm not sure how I got through the day. It all just kinda hit me at once:

 

I'm a woman. I'm trans. I'm from an immigrant family. I'm Roma. As an activist, I have publicly admonished and criticized the bad guys to their faces and on camera. I brought the fight to congress and literally told a US senator to go f*ck himself. I have spat on local a$$holes for writing hateful policies in the state where I live. So, everyday I leave the house wondering if 'today is the day' I'm either murdered, or disappeared, or deported. 

Every member of my family that I ever felt close to is dead, two of them violently. All my close friends are disappearing in one way or another. I can't earn a living wage no matter what I do. I don't feel safe anywhere. I have nowhere to go and no way to get there. Something is weird with my health recently, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to die alone. 

I worked so hard for so much of my life to try and make things better and all of it has either blown up in my face, or been completely undone by some knuckle-dragging P.O.S.

I take care of EVERYONE. Who's gonna take care of me? Why can't I take care of myself?

I feel cursed.

 

And I don't know how much more I can take.

 

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