As I Lay Dying

I'm so damn sorry.

Believing in so much more.

All that you wanted

Dark pain to feed and sustain

Love, joy, just a distraction

I tried.

Who needs family

So long as there was you, me

Such a heavy load,

sacrificing everything

I get it.

It was all my fault

Dreaming took up too much space

So you burned it all

An innocent childhood

Floating embers on the wind

I failed.

Sorry for the mess

For my gasping, labored breath

Choking, constricting

For my hope, hidden sadness

Sorry for being sorry

I was a burden.

All the love that left

For you always knew better

How dare I complain

Your infallible wisdom

Late night piety that burned

I was weak.

How do i move on

Carrying the weight of you

Meat hooks dug in deep

My knees blown, my back straining 

I'll never be free of you

I am haunted

There's no concealer

No amount of fairy dust

To cover these scars

Punched out sockets, purple stains

The clicking in my shoulder

I am tempered glass.

I swallowed the son

Drowned in an ocean of screams

Spat into the loathsome void

While drifting endlessly

I am a reflection 

Destroyer goddess

Vindicated through self harm

Silenced orgasms

Terminal velocity

Scattered remains stinging eyes

I am legacy 

Time stretches ahead

Fresh pages in a journal

Liminal spaces

Watch me as I shed my skin

Flesh and sinew cast away

I am alight

...