Gen X Stuff

I am going to illustrate for you what being gen x is to me. So sit back and cuddle up, because it's story time with Bibi Felicia!

Brought to you by the number 69 and the letter “F” – keeping you well stocked with fucks through the most frustrating of times. 

 

Picture it! 1978.

This was the year that I learned two new vocabulary words: "Asthma" and "Allergies." This was also the year I learned about asphyxiation, when my wind pipe suddenly and unexpectedly snapped shut, rendering me unconscious. I don't remember much about that, but apparently I died for two whole minutes. So fast forward a bit to the hospital where I had been revived to find me out of sorts – wheezing and sputtering like an old car. 

 

It turns out I had asthma. If you don't know what that feels like, get an old drinking straw, flatten it out, and try to breathe through ONLY IT for a few moments. WARNING: you may pass out!

 

I was put through many uncomfortable tests in the following days... the worst one was a scratch test. This where a doctor called an “allergist,” injects a tiny bubble of concentrated evil called "allergens" juuuussst under the surface of your skin. They do this in a kind of grid – to see what happens!

 

So, these “doctors” covered my entire back with these poisons – which hurt me like fire – only to watch me adversely react to EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

 

Yup! Turns out I was allergic to literally EVERYTHING: animals, dust, mold and mildew, detergents, cleaners – the air... you get the point.

 

I was also allergic to all food stuffs except, I am told, red meat and oranges. Yum! 

 

Now, just to throw this out there: they were still figuring out antihistamines back then, and epipens, which were only developed the year before, were not made available to the general public until sometime around 1987 ish.

 

So what sage advice did my chain smoking doctor offer my mom? He said -- and I am quoting because it's a day I will NEVER forget; “Just let her eat whatever. She'll EVENTUALLY build up a tolerance.” In case you are wondering, that's the medical equivalent to “walking it off.” Yeah. 

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time in emergency rooms until I turned twelve and sure enough, my body did a complete 180 and was no longer asthmatic. 

 

And except for fur, a weed called “goldenrod,” maybe crabs? and kiwi fruit, I am allergy free. The lesson here, is that we are all stronger than we think, so don't give up, even if it kills you!

 

Toodles bitches!!